When Microbes Attack

Ever since I found out I was HIV positive in 1985, every new sneeze and cough is a new adventure, 'could this be the beginning of the big one'.

Before I get into the topic of bugs, I usually never get a cold, and if I get one, it's gone before it can establish a foot hold. Even before the days when I got my annual flu shot, when the entire office was out sick for 2 weeks or more with a killer flu, I'd be out of commission for 3 to 4 days max, then I was fine.

I've had some weird medical problems over the past 20 plus years which have been directly or indirectly linked to my spine. About 22 years ago I lost all feeling in my left arm and my fingers curled up into a claw. You could have jabbed me in the arm with an ice pick and I wouldn't even flinch. Sigh, I was sent for tests, carpal tunnel (negative), cancer (negative), viral infection (negative). My arm was like this for almost two years until I came down with a wicked cold. During a long winded coughing jag, suddenly all sensation returned and my claw unclenched. They finally listened to me that I had hurt my back years earlier and it was a pinched nerve in the cervical spine that caused the left arm to go. Ever since then, in 1987, the problem has never returned.

About 17 years ago was when I first noticed I was losing motor control in my left leg; again all sorts of test which all came back negative until I asked my doctor to have neurology ran a scan of my back. Sure enough compression of the L3/L4 and T12/L1. The neurosurgeon opted not to do anything about it, "let's just keep an eye on it." They should have fixed the problem then. If my name was Bush, Gates, Cabot, Forbes, Trump or I was some celebrity, they would have had the problem fixed poste haste, but since I'm a commoner...let's just sit on it, come back in 10 years.

So about 15 years ago I was visiting a friend the day after a snow storm. I was getting out my car when my now weakening left leg slipped on ice and I came down on my side against the bottom door jamb of my car. At first I thought it just knocked the wind out of me until we were about to go out for dinner and I opted out due to blinding pain with each breath. My doctor saw me on an emergency basis; nope not coughing up blood, good. X-Rays showed I has cracked 3 lower ribs. There is nothing like cracked or broken ribs to literally take your breath away, and to top it off, I came down with one hell of a cold that week (one of the few I get). Every cough and sneeze was like a week of torture in a Guantanamo prison. There's nothing they can do for cracked ribs except let time heal, which was about 6 to 7 weeks of pain.

The instability in my leg has caused continual problems, a year later the leg gave out when I slipped on ice and came down on my ass, cracking my tail bone. Another 6 to 8 weeks of pain while sitting on a donut.

About 4 years ago, once again my leg slipped out from under me on the ice, this time coming down on my forearm and elbow, rupturing a bursar. I had a bulbous fluid filled mass that one coworker said after he felt it, like a tit, about a 36C cup. That took a few trips to an orthopedic specialist, 3 draining and a cortisone shot to clear up.

Then July 4th weekend of 2005 was when my leg gave out and I fell on my back fracturing the T12/L1, to add more insult to injury. So most of my problems have had little to do with HIV, except for the life threatening side effects from the HIV cocktail that landed me 9 assorted overnights in the hospital.

Living with HIV for over 20 years and being off all medications for 22 months is sort of like sky diving without a parachute, but so far I have not had any hard landings.

Now back to BUGS! As I said earlier, it might be pure coincidence, but since I have lived with the virus, hardly ever get a cold and can't remember my last bout with the flu. It could be that I'm much more in touch with my health than I was before, so take better care of myself.

My doctor feels that another reason I might be doing as well as I am in the HIV arena, is inheriting good virus fighting genes from my parents. Now that I think about it, Mom was always sickly but Dad never got sick. When I was a kid, the entire household could be bed ridden with the flu, including the dog and cat, but Dad would still be trucking along unscathed. On those rare occasions Dad did get a cold, it knocked him on his ass and made him very grumpy. My paternal grandfather never got sick either, smoked 4 packs of unfiltered camels a day, went bowling and day hiking every week until he was well into his 70's and died from natural causes in his late 80's. Dad may have never gotten sick, but colon cancer took him at age 65. My sister rarely ever got sick, but cancer also took her at 65.

There's another issue that being a long term survivor brings...waiting for when/if the other shoe drops. Long term cancer and HIV survivors know what I'm talking about. You can go for the longest periods where everything seems on an even keel and then comes that lingering cough, headache, lump, bit of blood or whatever, "could this be the BIG one." I try not to dwell upon this, but people who live for extended periods with life threatening conditions have been told so many times that sooner or later some complication of their condition will do them in, that it's always back there in the sub conscious.

A big part of living for an extended time with illnesses like cancer and HIV is going for regular followup tests, scans and blood work. Some doctors say that if you're in remission for 5 years then the cancer is cured. My Mom was a nurse and worked with an oncologist who argued against this assumption. In his experience, the cancer may be in remission, but it very well could come back years later in the same place or another location. My Mom was a unique case, she had uterine cancer for years and never knew it, had cancer the while she was carrying me. Shortly after I was born Mom had a hysterectomy. This was in the late 40's, before there were a lot of possible cancer treatments, it was also before there were tight controls on what doctors were allowed to do. Her doctor decided on a controversial treatment by blasting her with interferon. The cancer never came back and she died from old age at 90.

I've encountered a lot of long term (15 to 20 or more years) HIV survivors over the years. Some have never had any problems, major or minor. Others have battled one infection after another but still keep going. Some have experienced no major side effects from the HIV cocktail medications, while others like me have been carted off to the ER too many times to count from toxicities.

Being where I am today, it can be difficult to keep things in perspective, a cold is just a cold, the flue is worse, but it's just the flu, aches are just aches. I've reached the point as I approach 60 where a lot of my problems are age related.

What seems strange are the symptoms I now develop before a cold comes on; not sniffles, sneezes or a tickle in my throat, but a free floating feeling of dread, like the feeling I had for weeks before 911 occurred. It's sort of a precognitive, "something wicked this way comes."

Last Thursday I was running errands and had to turn back home due to a horrible feeling of dread. I just felt plain weird! Then out of the blue on Friday I began a long series of coughing jags that made my chest and ribs sore, and to add insult to injury, every cough sent what felt like lightning bolts running along my sciatic nerve. By Saturday the coughing grew much worse and my head and yes felt like they were stuffed with cotton. I never run fevers, my normal temperature runs between 97.5 and 98.2 even with a cold, but by last night I was spiking to 102. A friend insisted I call the doctor on call at my clinic. I didn't want to seem like a wuss, but called. The doctor asked me a few questions and seems I was doing the right things, drinking tons of fluid, taking Advil, echinacea and bucking up my vitamin C.
He assured me it was a good thing I called, since a temperature above 101-102 in adults can be dangerous. He added that he was not aware of any particular bug making the rounds, but since we live in a third world mix of people, there are always a few bugs out there. He ended by telling me, "if there's no change by tomorrow or it gets worse, don't hesitate to call back. I may have to send you to the ER." (Oh God not the ER again!)

I went back to bed feeling totally miserable, shaking with chills. I took my temperature again, which now rose to 102.1. An hour later, I almost felt a pop in my head, broke out in a sweat and suddenly felt cool. I was at least able to sleep and this morning my temp was back to 97.6

If it wasn't for living with HIV, I would have written this episode off to just having a nasty passing bug, but being where I am, it was better to be safe than sorry. There is that possible hazard of developing pneumonia, which I do not need.

I'll end today's entry on a somewhat humorous note. I received the following two via email from friends. The first is an actual exchange that took place between the relative of the deceased and a credit card company...

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February & March for their annual service charges on her credit card, & added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank here's the exchange:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees & charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do yo u think God will be mad at her?"
(I really liked this part!!!!)
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." (Duh!)
(Supervisor gets on the phone):
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed, so the late fees and charges still apply." (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)
Family Member: "Do you mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: (Stammering) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew."
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I
can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just
keep billing her. I really don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees & charges do still apply."
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"< B>
Citibank: "Yes, that will help."
Family Member: " Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?
(Priceless!!)

Here's another funny email that I got regarding dealing with customer service.

This is hilarious!!! Remember this the next timeyou need to return something and they are giving you a hard time

A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager comes to the woman and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?" She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screamed,
"PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!" and doing so draws an even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?"

In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!"

The crowd broke into applause and her money wa s quickly refunded!!

The next one comes from a friend and fellow blogger's email, just a head's up to me on a couple of items he heard on podcasts

Heard two things via Podcasts:
The NSA was a 'consultant' on security issues for Vista and
Apple is warning not to install Itunes on Vista - may corrupt your Ipod.

Two things bother me about this. What is Microsoft doing in bed with one of America's spook agencies. I have been told that XP is a giant piece of spy ware to begin with, so that the courteous, helpful folks in Redmond will know your every move. So is Vista an even bigger piece of spy ware?

I've been warned about installing a lot of things on Vista, unless I enjoy buying new software that has the Vista stamp or approval or downloading and installing patches for my hardware/software. The only way I can see Vista corrupting an iPod is by turning it into a Zune.

I also got one brief email from a Nightmare Hall visitor sayng they enjoyed my rabble and it was nice to see someone who knows the proper places to use, "there", "they're" and "their".

The Bosn's Locker is up there about a block on the right. They're having their Friday night special "all you can eat fish'n'chips". Their prices are very reasonable, enjoy your meal.

I know good grammar isn't high on the list of many people these days, everyone is so busy. My grammar may be far from perfect but I do try to use words properly, but then there's the Redneck Dictionary from Blue Collar TV, which is the norm today.

I also read an indirect reference on one blog that pointed to another where someone made reference to the owner of Nightmare Hall being opinionated and who's opinions are off the wall. Well yes, I can be opinionated, but so is everyone else on certain issues. I never claim to have 100% ownership of the truth, what I write is only based on my own personal experiences and observations. We all filter the world through the lenses of our own personal realities. It does state on my profile that Nightmare Hall is not for everybody, or to quote my dear old Dad, "opinions are like assholes, everybody has one." It's an interesting as well as frustrating quirk about online communications, the temptation to flame and rabble rabble rabble.